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06/22/2005 Archived Entry: "Josh's Suprise"

moosic- "where is everybody" nine inch nails

I'm baking home made cookies..which honestly to me are better than any cookie I have ever ate. I have so out done myself with these..haha.

As you all know Josh moved Friday to Nashville to attend NADC, which started yesterday. I missed him so much..so I decided Sunday to suprise him yesterday in Nashville. Since Sunday I have been planning how I would suprise him. I wen't through 1500 different options and scenarios. But I asked myself, If Amber was anywhere in Nashville..where would it be? My answer? The sanrio store, of course. So then I made my plan and at 4:30 yesterday morning I started to put it into action. Mom and I hit the road to Nashville at 7:49 am.

For the past 2 weeks I have been working on this 'jar' thing. My friend Danielle had made one for her boyfriend, which she filled with pictures, poems, sayings, and etc. I loved the jar idea so I made one myself, but I put a piece of foam down the middle and seperated it, forming two seperate places to put stuff in. One side was called 'memories' the other 'lucky stars'. The 'memories' side was filled with folded pieces of colored paper with many, many different memories Josh and I have shared together. I told him that when he was sad or lonely he could pull one out and read it, and that when he did I would be there however long he thought about that memory. The other side was 153 lucky stars. 153 is how many days as of yesterday that we have been dating. Everyday that goes by from here on out I will make a lucky star for. So on the way down yesterday I worked hard on different things to give him. I finished the jar, decorated a picture frame with two pictures of us, wrote him a 3 paged letter which basically told him everything I loved about him- and included pictures that showed him how much I miss him. The night before I had made my cookie dough and baked him a batch of chocolate chip cookies and put them in a container for him and his roommates to snack on.

Anyways..back to what I was telling you. After about 5 hours+ we arrived in Nashville. We wen't to the Opry Mills mall to wait for the plan to take complete action. I had 2 and half hours to prepare myself to suprise him. Opry Mills mall is the most gorgeous mall ever, it was just awesome. I had myself so nervous and so worked up over the plan. I wanted it to go PERFECT. I told him that when he got out of school at 1:40 to call me on my cell phone, because I was out at mom's work helping her and wanted to know how his first day wen't. So I was sitting on a bench in the mall holding my cell phone, waiting for that call. About 5 till 2 he called. My nerves had taken the best of me..but I managed to tell him 'my story' I had came up with. I told him that mom said that since I had helped around the house and been really nice, that the hello kitty mirror I had been wanting, I could have. I told him when I went to order it, it was soldout. So I was like, well I will call the sanrio store close to Josh and see if they have it. I told him that they did and that mom gave them her credit card number and that I needed him to go pick it up for me before 2:30, because after 2:30 they wouldn't hold it anymore and mom's credit card wouldn't be charged. He bought it. So he left his apartment and came to the mall. I was standing in sanrio and I happened to look up and he was in the doorway, with his roommate Ryan, both had the same 'You look so familiar' look on their face. Then I smiled and Josh realized that it really was me. He was completely shocked. He couldn't even talk or move. So I ran over to him and he had the biggest smile on his face and hugged and held me. He wouldn't let me go =D. He was like "This is the best suprise ever. Youv'e made my day, actually my whole week." He couldn't have been anymore shocked or happier. The plan was even more perfect than I had planned. His friend Ryan was like "You lucky Bastard" because he has a girlfriend too, but she is 9 hours away and he missed her like crazy as well. Josh and I hung out till about 10 p.m. He showed me his apartment and introduced me to his roommates, they were all nice. When it was 10 it was way past time of when we planned to have left to go home (8ish), so we followed him out of Nashville. He told us that when he turned off on his exit to not follow him, to just go straight and hit 80A. So we followed him and then he put his signal on. I could feel the tears filling my eyes and I looked to my right, rolled my window down, he had almost stopped in his exit, and as we drove by him I blew him a kiss and told him I loved him, he told me that he loved me as well. I kept my head turned and watched him as long as I could, crying the whole time. He called me like 10 times to check in on us on our way back. He told me the last thing he seen was my big brown eyes starring through the back window at him and that when we wen't by, he was saying to himself, "Where are you going? Your suppose to go this way, your suppose to with me." While I was thinking the same thing. It's hard to deal with the fact he don't live here anymore. He lives there.

Honestly him moving was the best for our relationship, it made me realize that I truly and honestly love him and that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I don't care who knows that. Before he left, I would deny myself that I didn't care for him as much as I knew I did, and I would almost be bitchy to him all the time. Him moving didn't allow me to deny my feelings for him any longer, and made me wish I hadn't tried to deny myself so much. I knew I loved him, but I was scared. Scared of basically everything. I wanted to be able to control my feelings, and well now I can't at all. I'm not scared anymore though. I'm not stressed out anymore, I'm not denying myself anymore. I am the happiest I have ever been. I love him more than ANYTHING I ever have before. He honestly is the one. He is my true love. I miss him so much. I truly don't ever wan't to lose him. What we have is absolutly perfect. We aren't always serious, we are playful. We wrestle and joke and have fun, but yet we sincerely love each other and say and do sweet, romantic things. We call each other names, but it's playful and in a loving way. We both share the same feelings and we can relate and communicate on the same level. We both are there when the other one needs the other, we trust each other and are honest with each other. He is honestly as close as you can come to perfect. Leaving him yesterday was so hard to do, I just want to feel his warmth and the comfort of knowing he is down the road. I will feel that about every other weekend, but it's hard until then.

Josh, I love you.

Much love;