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02/12/2005 Archived Entry: "Happiness comes unknowingly"

moosic- "true" Ryan Cabrera

Josh rented The Notebook for us to watch tonight and I have to say that movie is wonderful. I tried not to cry, but hell I couldn't hold it back. If you haven't seen it yet I reccommend you go and rent it..NOW. Ah I'm still teary eyed.

Since 'certain' people read this..I just wanted to say this: I thought I knew what love was. I thought I was in love..but then I started talking to Josh and he just was wonderful, so I did what I always do. I do whatever I wan't to do at that moment. I've hurt many people like that, but thats just how I am. But finally I feel how I should feel. I have never felt this way before, I thought I had, but no..this is real. This is how I've wanted to feel for so long. I'm happy. Yeah it might sound selfish, but thats all I care about. MY happiness. I've been down for so long, I deserve to be happy. I deserve to want the best for me. I make myself miserable at times to please OTHERS..but hell I'm tired of it, so I did something I really wanted to do. To the people who left messages..grow up a bit... you hope I have a horrible life and shit? Do you think that makes you so cool to say that? It makes you look stupid. Honestly. You get hurt in life, the past is the past. No one understands what I've been through the last 2 1/2 years. I've changed, I'm the way I am now due to certain events that has occured. I know my faults, and god I have so many. Even though you said all that shit..I still hope you have a wonderful life, and succeed at everything you do, and I wasn't the one for you, we wern't meant to be, but I promise you will find who you should be with. Everyone expierences heartbreak, but I promise in the end..it will all pay off. I'm sorry I hurt you, I never intended to...but I wanted to be happy, I wanted to do something for myself. But the best of luck to you.

Okay I feel better now..anyways I'm wore out so Im going to bed. Much Love;